


rearview

by jxneun



Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure tri.
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Gen, M/M, in which yamato is actually successful as a musician lol, musician au, tw: PTSD, who would guess a one shot would turn into three parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:41:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxneun/pseuds/jxneun
Summary: Taichi feels like he’s recovering and he’s finally regaining his balance, after breaking up with Yamato, whose tour is in full-swing at the moment. Only, he receives a letter in the mail that makes him throw any shred of confidence he had in getting over Yamato out the window.
Relationships: Ishida Yamato | Matt Ishida & Yagami Taichi | Tai Kamiya, Ishida Yamato | Matt Ishida/Yagami Taichi | Tai Kamiya
Comments: 7
Kudos: 27





	rearview

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: Yamato/Taichi  
> Rating: Mature, tw: PTSD, anxiety attack
> 
> Sequel to fics: mirage & if the world was ending, you’d come over right?
> 
> Fic inspiration from “Rearview” by Run River North. @tiedbows hope more people listen to your favorite band :)

** ༄ Message delivered at 8:05PM. **

Taichi sighed.

It took him hours to decipher just how he was feeling, dissecting his thoughts and his prior doubts. It wasn’t like he was simply dilly-dallying, twiddling with his thumbs hoping for an answer to magically appear or arise from the depths of his thoughts. He was conflicted. He didn’t expect the letter from Yamato; it’s the technological age for goodness sake! Japan has some of the best technology, and of course, Yamato, the Yamato Ishida, has to send a handwritten letter. It wasn’t everyday that one of Japan’s teenage heartthrobs sent a letter to a regular citizen; to add on, Yamato was currently in the States if he remembered correctly, where he was especially adored by teenage and young adult fans alike. The blonde truly never lost his charm; instead, he aged like fine wine. It’s no wonder, given that Yamato’s good looks, being a quarter French and three-fourths Japanese, that Yamato would easily gain global exposure and a mass following of impressionable young fans. Hell, Yamato was so popular that he had blogs dedicated to just him, as if the rest of the Knife of Day members were just backup performers, and the real star was Yamato. It was ridiculous how much time these people dedicated to creating a digital shrine for Yamato, when they barely knew how the blonde was actually like. They dedicated photo sets to admire Yamato’s chiseled cheekbones and his sharp jawline, and edited album covers to highlight his cobalt eyes, to which Yamato would heart on Instagram and would cause his fans heart failure. If Taichi had his way in portraying Yamato to news tabloids, he’d say that Yamato aged like cheese, growing into a more refined taste profile and developing interesting depths of flavor, but getting intolerably smellier with each passing day. Or maybe, Yamato was more like fried eggs, an essential but could be taken as high-maintenance, if you spruced it up a bit.

How much more lovesick could Yamato get? Taichi couldn’t believe that Yamato really sent him airmail across the world; the letter had to go on international flights, to get across the Pacific Ocean, going through customs and passing through international postal services to localized services. All that work and labor could have easily done with the use of a cellular device. Did he not realize that he could probably get an instant response from Taichi if he had simply called or texted? Does he not realize that texting is a form of communication out of convenience and the pony express was outdated? Rather than being a letter out of concern, maybe it was a letter filled with contempt and resentment; maybe, instead of the response and answers that he had hoped to hear from Yamato, it was a letter filled with anger and cruel insults, almost to salvage his pride.

Taichi shook his head, crumpling the envelope in his hands slightly, with how tense he was feeling. Yamato wasn’t like that, and he knew that, regardless when Yamato and he had dated, or when they were just friends. 

Brushing his paranoid thoughts aside, or at least keeping it at a healthy arm’s length away, his inner turmoil was blazing away, in an uproar. It was like his heart was on fire, and the steam was muddling his thoughts; his heartbeat thumped, practically echoing, leaving his thoughts inaudible and indistinguishable. Probably, with how intense he was feeling, without the protective layer of skin and the array of muscle fibers and tissue, the organ would have lurched out of his chest, somehow passing through the cracks and opening of his ribs and sternum. The throbbing probably meant that his blood vessels were about to pop, bursting from the additional stress and anxious energy causing his circulatory system to go into overdrive. Okay, maybe he was being a little dramatic, but he knew when he got this nervous, whether it be from fears of opening a mere letter or a text message, his uncertainties were warranted. It wasn’t everyday that the average person felt like their essential organs were threatening to jump out of their chest, after all.

In response to the panic he was feeling, perspiration began to gather in the palms of his hands and even the soles of his feet. It was gross, but when he got nervous like this, it was like his body went on autopilot, trying to discern whether a situation required a fight-or-flight response. In this case, the moment he received that letter in his mailbox, he did not exactly anticipate this to happen. It was a regular morning, where he would brew green tea to drink alongside his morning omelette and rice. In fact, the most exciting thing that he had planned for the day was just taking a walk to the nearby riverbed, to skip rocks after his morning jog. It was like his body was thriving from this change of pace, but his head felt like a boulder was sitting atop it, threatening to topple over and crush his skull open, probably as a gracious favor, to stop him from overthinking.

Sighing, he silently wished and prayed that these feelings would subside; he practiced his breathing exercises, in order to regain his composure and collect his thoughts.

Still, the contents of his stomach threatened to spill out his stomach, 

Ping! 

Upon hearing the cheery beep from his mobile device, Taichi lost his train of thought and his eyes instantly darted towards the direction of the kitchen countertop, where he had placed his phone, in hopes he could get his mind off of the situation at hand.

His heart dropped at the sound of the phone notification, almost like he was riding an impossibly fast rollercoaster, and he was just about to dip into the downward spiral of the structure of the ride. Contemplating at rates faster than light, in his deliberations, Taichi pondered whether his onset of panic was instinctual or not. Either, it would be on the dot, accurately guesstimating that Yamato had responded and was now about to ask Taichi if he was free or not, or it was from this random and obscure international agency that somehow crept its way through his email account, refusing to stop their attempts at selling their product, despite my numerous attempts to unsubscribe to their newsletter...

At any moment, his world of grey would either transform into a world of color, or be reduced to smithereens. Maybe it was pathetic that his state of mind could be so easily swayed from some small gesture, but Taichi was learning that it was okay for him to experience this level of intensity; what mattered most was ensuring that he was practicing mindfulness techniques to ensure he wouldn’t self-sabotage or self-destruct.

He was getting better at managing that.

Or at least he was trying to convince himself of that.

It would be a blatant lie if he were to say that he didn’t miss Yamato. It would be outright deceitful, if he said that he didn’t think about what Yamato was doing or if he even spent a single moment on his tour thinking about Taichi and what they had come to. 

Granted, the last time they saw each other, the silence was destructive. It was intolerable, and they couldn’t even bear being in the same room with one another. Usually, when Yamato and Taichi fought, and the others knew fully well how that was like, they would provoke one another, and make each others’ blood boil.Still, it was out of genuine concern, despite the memories of fists flying and memories of them roughing up one another. As children, fighting got their frustrations out of their system. It was simple, and things got quickly resolved, especially when they were on the brink of life or death, in the face of infamous Digimon destruction.

Still, it was undeniable that Taichi hoped that the letter was truly intended for him, and it was a shred of light that they could perhaps work things out again. Taichi didn’t even care if Yamato wanted to pursue a romantic relationship or wanted to keep things strictly platonic. He just wanted his best friend back, even if it meant he would have to sacrifice aspects that made their relationship so riveting and shook him to his core. As enthralling as it was, Taichi was just as afraid of holding Yamato back from achieving his dreams; at the same time, he was terrified of being left behind, abandoned once again. Taichi knew he had problems clinging onto the past. He was the only one out of the Chosen 

Children to focus on human-digimon relations after all, since everyone had set their path ahead of them, with their own respective goals in mind. Sure, Koushiro was manning his company, manufacturing products and resources in order to make the process for Digimon and humans to interact with one another even safer, but he didn’t necessarily dive into politics or address the ugly parts of the situation. His role was purely technological, and he wasn’t the one responsible for bearing the bad news, contrary to what he had to do when they were younger. Even Takeru’s career had not completely centered on the Digimon; his current written work was more so documenting the experiences of the Chosen Children, rather than exploring the controversies surrounding the relation. 

Reminding himself of the situation at hand, Taichi stepped carefully and slowly towards his phone. It was facedown, and his doubts were eating him alive. 

Out of pure curiosity and a burst of courage, Taichi flipped his phone over. It was a text from Hikari. It read, “ _Taichi, have you eaten yet?”_

Promptly responding, Taichi reassured his precious sister and insisted that she need not worry. He was fortunate to have a supportive network of friends and family; at the same time, there were moments he wondered whether he truly deserved it or not. Slightly disappointed, Taichi scurried off to his room, falling on his bed with a small thud. Holding his phone up, its display illuminated in the dark bedroom, making him wince from the sudden change in lighting. Letting his eyes rest, he began to think and reflect about the contents of the letter. He was more than surprised, to say the least. 

That was the first time Yamato had been so entirely honest with him, with paragraphs bleeding into the other side of the paper, crinkled at the edges, as if he had seriously contemplated sending it or not.

It was touching, and it made him feel wanted. It made him feel needed, and so alive.

At the same time, he was scared shitless from the thought of receiving a text from Yamato, even though he technically was the one to initiate this exchange. 

Tokyo was 16 hours ahead of the United States, at least for the West coast. Last he remembered, or at least what he saw on Instagram, was that Yamato had been in Los Angeles, for a convention celebrating contemporary music and artists from East Asia. Yamato was probably asleep, or so he thought...

Yamato was calling him, minutes after Taichi’s initial text, and he was seriously about to combust.

**_ Call incoming: Yamato Ishida [8:18PM] _ **

_ “ Hello?” _

_ “Yamato?” _

_ “I missed you.” _

_ “I know.” _

_ “I can’t be without you, Taichi.” _

Tears welled up in the inner corners of Taichi’s eyes; hot droplets threatened to fall out of his tear ducts, and his body shook violently. He felt overwhelmed, aghast, and suddenly, the letter felt like nothing in comparison to Yamato’s baritone voice. To his surprise, the words that left his mouth rendered him and Yamato speechless.

_ “I love you. I always have.” _

Despite the loud ringing in his ears, and the static that filled his ears, the uncertainty pooling at the bottom of his stomach halted upon hearing Yamato’s soft reply.

_ “ I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.” _

That night, neither of them retained their sense of pride; rather than omitting their truths, they spilled their guts out, ignoring any previous fear or hesitation they had before. The world’s muted colors brightened, gleaming before them. Once again, they were the two boys throwing hands on the edge of a cliff, instead, they saved by one another. Instead of another night lying awake staring at the ceiling, Taichi fell asleep to the sound of Yamato’s voice, and the light strumming of his guitar. 

* * *

**I wanted to hold you like I won’t let go**

**You can tie a rope around my soul**

**Tapping on the window, I can’t be without you**

**So hold me like you won’t let go**

**Like no one ever has to know**

**Author's Note:**

> It’s 5AM where I am, but I don’t feel tired at all...lol 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this! T’was a short ride, but it was enjoyable for me regardless. Surprise, surprise I made it a happy ending! (I swear I can write happy things lol it’s just harder because I’m pretty Pessimistic ha ha). I love these two self-sacrificing fools and I just wanted to again thank everyone for supporting me thus far; your comments mean the world to me, and I truly appreciate your feedback and enjoy seeing what you all have to say. <3 If any of you have any requests (songs, plots, or anything you’d like to see a continuation of, feel free to send me a message here or on my tumblr @jxneun. Don’t be a stranger! :’) )


End file.
